By Jueseppi B.
33-Year-Old Lauren Green Shares Her Story of the Day She Stopped Trusting
The week before High School officially started in August 1994, we had what is called “hell week” in field hockey to prepare us. I never would have imagined how close to hell this week would be. After a long tough practice, I gathered my backpack and belongings and set out for walk to my home in Old Wethersfield, Connecticut, which was about four blocks.
I hadn’t even made it off school property when a car pulled up beside me. Two young men were in the car and asked me if I wanted a ride. I froze and felt very uneasy, before I could answer a gun was pulled and I was ordered into the vehicle. As I climbed into the back seat they sneered and laughed. They told me I wasn’t going home. I tried to play it cool, thinking of any way I could get out of this situation. We arrived at a rundown apartment complex on the outskirts of town.
I was warned to be quiet and just go inside. I can still remember the unpleasant orders as we entered the apartment, it was dirty and I was in a quiet panic. I was led to a bedroom by one of the men, while the other one watched. As he sexually assaulted me, I had the feeling of leaving my body. As if I was looking down from the ceiling. The stench of the sheets was nauseating and I was in profound pain. I had only kissed a boy once until this day. I immediately felt ruined and dead inside.
Time passed, but I am not sure how much. I decided I was going to die, and if I was going to die it would be fighting. I found an opportune moment, a break in the assault and I bolted for the door. Shots rang out as I scrambled to open the door. All of them missed. I ran blocks and blocks home, partially clothed.
Prior to this, I was always a fairly trusting and carefree child. I was confident before this. As an athlete and a ballet dancer, I made the most of life. My parents worked hard and did the best they could. They had to work, which left me alone a lot, but it never bothered me too much. I had many friends and relatives who lived in the same town. Knowing they were nearby made me feel safe.
My life since that day has been a struggle. I felt used up, less than, and contemplated suicide many times. I was diagnosed with PTSD and I still have to see a psychiatrist. I will probably always have nightmares and have to take medication. I also have internal scarring.
I fear people; even going to the grocery store is a challenge. It takes a long time for me to trust people and I end up isolating myself. Relationships of all kinds are a challenge. Seeing a gun or hearing gunshots is intolerable; I shake uncontrollably.
I do my best not to be ruled by fear and anger, but again, it is a battle I don’t always win. I am filled with pain some days and can do nothing but lie in bed. Knowing I am not alone has helped tremendously. For the longest time, I felt alone.
The assailants were caught, but due to my shock I was not able to cooperate fully. I believe they were prosecuted on lesser charges and by the time I was ready, the statute of limitations had run out on the rape.
My father was a Marine Sniper. He took pride in his weapons, stored them safely and had the proper training. I have no problems with law-abiding, responsible gun owners. In my opinion there is no reason for civilians to have automatic weapons. It angers me that we, as a country, cannot even pass proper background check legislation. From what I know, my perpetrators would not have been able to pass a background check due to their prior criminal records. It is obvious the gun lobby has a strong hold on our lawmakers. This must change. I will not stop until it does.
If you or anyone you know has been a victim of gun violence and would like to share your story with Moms Demand Action, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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