By Jueseppi B.
The Morning E-Mail From HuffPost
Forget Google Maps — Google Naps is where it’s at. Be right back while we catch some ZZZ’s. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Monday, March 31, 2014.
- Black box batteries running out in missing Malaysian plane
- One percenter convicted of raping a child given light sentence
- First formal royal portrait of Prince George
Britain’s royal family released a new portrait of Prince George and his obscenely photogenic family. Kaley Cuoco got a dramtic haircut. Someone spent $25,000 to try to look like Jennifer Lawrence. VH1 looked into the fabulous life of the most fabulous couple: Beyonce and Jay-Z. And Ke$ha looks great in her first red carpet appearance since rehab.
UN ON CLIMATE CHANGE: ‘WE’RE SITTING DUCKS’
“Global warming is driving humanity toward a whole new level of many risks, a United Nations scientific panel reports, warning that the wild climate ride has only just begun. ‘Nobody on this planet is going to be untouched by the impacts of climate change,’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change chairman Rajendra Pachauri said in a Monday news conference.” [AP]
DIPLOMACY AT ITS FINEST
“U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said Sunday night the United States and Russia agree on the need for a diplomatic solution for Ukraine but he stressed the Russian troop buildup along the border is not helpful.” Yah think? [AP]
MISSING PLANE SEARCH: BLACK BOX BATTERIES RUNNING OUT
“Authorities calculate that they have six days, or thereabouts, to find the black boxes. That could mark a turning point in the search effort, they say, which would become immensely more difficult.” Hopes from this weekend’s developments were dashed as recently discovered floating objects were found to be fishing equipment. One of the flight attendants’ husband has not been able to explain the tragedy to his children. “I told them mummy’s going to take a bit longer to come home this time, and I even promised them I’m going to bring her home.” [WSJ]
STATESIDE: Last Day for Obamacare Enrollment
Today is the last day to enroll for the Affordable Care Act. A wealthy heir who raped a three-year-old dodged jail time because the judge didn’t think he’d fare well in prison. Wow. The Washington mudslide death toll continues to climb. A deadly shooting in Albuquerque has led to violent protests. Corvette owners are transfixed by the extraction of eight of the classic cars from a sinkhole. And this woman’s Facebook post could land her in jail.
In cutest-video-ever news, here’s a bulldog puppy meeting a baby.
BUY! SELL! BUY! Free McDonalds Coffee
McDonalds is offering free cups of coffee to combat Taco Bell’s new breakfast menu. A Supreme Court case could change the way computer software is patented. Josh Elliott of “Good Morning America” is heading to NBC sports after a contract dispute. “The Big Short” and “Liar’s Poker” author Michael Lewis declared the stock market “rigged” in his new book about high-speed trading. And in case you missed it this weekend, the iPhone 6 is projected to hit the shelves in September.
In relaxation news, here’s a cat enjoying his hammock.
Pass us the peanuts and Cracker Jacks: it’s opening day! This soccer player saved his opponent’s life on the field. A Gainesville television station recreates March Maddness highlights to avoid breaking NCAA restrictions. Grantland tackles the Kevin Love question. And the Final Four is set. Is your bracket is busted? Ours is way past the point of no return.
In science news, here’s water freezing and boiling in quick succession.
CULTURE CATCH-UP: ‘Frozen’ Enters Record Books
The return of “Harry Potter” will be in trilogy-form; we cannot wait to freebase J.K. Rowling’s next batch of literary crack. We’re all dying to see Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence together again, but until “Serena” comes out, promotional pictures from the Oscar-bait movie will have to do. Suit up — the “How I Met Your Mother” series finale airs tonight. Money flooded in for “Noah” this weekend(har har har). And people just aren’t letting go — “Frozen” is the highest grossing animated movie of all time.
In grandpa news, here’s a guy explaining “wingmanning” to his grandfather.
LIVIN’: Google Naps
This erratic weather completely messes with your wardrobe. Here are a few ways to rock transitionally appropriate outfits. Google has a parody site that shows you where to nap. Here’s each state’s coolest invention. The average cost of a wedding has risen to $30,000. Better start saving now. And wanna look cute on Sunday? Here’s something other than leggings to rock at brunch.
In wipeout news, here’s a pug not sticking a landing.
ONE MORE THING
This is what the world would look like without lights.
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